i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
