I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
