We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
