so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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