You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
