im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
high people should be assigned attendants
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
