I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize