u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
