we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
