too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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