Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
