Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
