i just google imaged poop.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
