If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
