I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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