He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
