If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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