i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
