I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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