I CAN MOONWALK!
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize