so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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