does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
