You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
