i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
