Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize