Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
