i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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