I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
