It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Someone shit on the floor
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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