I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
just come out here and I will go home with you...
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
