Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Randomize
