i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize