How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
