We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
