If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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