I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
