please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
