Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
