I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
