kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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