During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
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