the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
