There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
How's work?
Spinning.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
