mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
