well most of my day revolves around power hour
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
