I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize