How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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