girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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