remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
