yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I checked into jail on foursquare
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
there is glitter all over my balls
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
