I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize