my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize
