i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
