just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
