we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
