It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I touched a dick in church today
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
