Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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