sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
