You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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