is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
