someone get that fucking seahorse.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
