I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
